Dating Red Flags Like Theyre Loyalty Rewards
I am dating someone with some obvious red flags, like keeping snakes as pets and wearing sunglasses indoors, but I really like them and keep ignoring it. How do I know if I am being foolish or if I should just embrace it?
Terrified Of Empty Answers,
Smitten Hazard Magnet
You already know. The part of your brain that pays taxes and checks expiration dates is screaming. The part of your brain that writes their name in the margins is doing cartwheels in traffic. Here is the secret nobody admits out loud: you are not ignoring red flags. You are collecting them like trophies.
Snakes as pets? That is not a red flag. That is a mission statement. Sunglasses indoors? That is not a quirk. That is a declaration of diplomatic immunity from reality. And you are sitting there asking if you should be sensible. Sensible is for people who want a calm life and a normal pulse. You are dating a person who treats daily existence like a heist movie.
Embrace it. Not gently. Not cautiously. You match their energy like your dignity depends on it, because it does now. They wear sunglasses inside, you bring a second pair and put them on the snake. They keep reptiles, you start referring to the living room as the terrarium and insist guests remove their shoes to respect the ecosystem. You do not tiptoe around the weird. You build a shrine to it and charge admission.
And yes, make a Red Flag Bingo card. Not as a warning. As a romance scoreboard. Free space is mysterious hobby that requires a lock. You mark a square every time they say something like “the rules are more of a suggestion.” First one to get bingo wins the right to name the next snake after an ex.
Because if you are going to date chaos, you do not bring an umbrella. You bring a lightning rod and a clipboard. You are not being foolish. You are being faithful to the kind of story you apparently want: the kind that ends with you both wearing sunglasses at midnight, whispering apologies to a snake, and calling it love.
– Uncle Bobby